In recent times, I have found myself struggling with finding things that bring me joy and often wonder why things are the way they are. I have always placed high expectations on life and continually finding myself disappointed or annoyed that things are not going the way I wanted things to pan out. What inspired me to make a blog post about this (have been very slack and unmotivated) was when I went for a walk the other day which I haven't done in I don't know how long. I never realized how much time I have spent wanting more and fixating on the future rather living in the moment (pun intended).
Last year and the year before were very tough years physically and mentally, and this year has proven to be a challenge in itself in current times and has been a roller coaster for sure, however today as I was scrolling through my camera roll looking at who I was a few months, year and two years ago, the memories and small moments I captured along the way, it really made me jealous which is weird. Why would I be jealous at my past self? Why would I want to be that person that I was a year ago? In recent times, mentally I feel like I have checked out, often feeling like I am on auto pilot, waking up, eat, exercise, sleep, drink water and continually scrolling though my phone, I have forgotten to in some way live.
This seems like the opposite kind of content this blog is supposed to be about, however, the purpose is to live a happy and healthy lifestyle, which I assuming everyone wants to live or try to achieve. I took a day off this Sunday, which is really the first of 2 weekends since I've been employed and I never knew how much I needed it. I have been so exhausted and tired, feeling sluggish and have really no motivation to anything really. Today, however told me a lot about my thoughts and how I need to retrain my whole self to be the person that I was a year ago. I was stronger, more confident and had much more motivation then I do now and it will obviously take time but its a start.
This blog today, is just a reminder that it is okay to have moments where you feel like your on auto pilot and feel like life is becoming repetitive, however, we are in control of our thoughts. I am not saying I am a saint at this, today was just an epiphany moment and the light bulb just switched back on in me. I really do hope we all take care of ourselves and try to strive to be the best version of ourselves, because we all deserve happiness and an abundance of joy and cheerfulness especially in times like this in our current chaotic world.
until next time :)
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